When Sibling Violence is Domestic Violence
When most people think of domestic violence, they think about violence between adults. But the fact of the matter is, sibling violence exists in many American homes, either alongside violent adult behavior, or all by itself. Either way, the outcomes can be horrendous.
What it’s Not
Kids do compete, disagree, and even fight. Healthy conflict occurs among siblings every day. But when the rivalry results in genuine pain, it’s gone too far. Competition can be ferocious, but it can ultimately bring siblings even closer. Kids learn how to compromise, share, and encourage one another. Humiliation is no part of healthy competition.
What Does it Look Like?
Like domestic violence among adults, children can dish up emotional, sexual, or physical abuse as they exert power over others in the family. This is something beyond the usual sibling rivalry and could leave lasting damage. What gets excused as typical scuffles among kids could actually be a serious problem that could result in long term anxiety, depression, and worse. Whether it’s between cousins or siblings, any sort of negative interactions that are based in cruelty should be addressed. What are serious warning signs?
- Physical aggression that is excused as being masculine;
- Behavior that is not age-appropriate;
- Teasing that insults, or even causes terror;
- Abuse that is a pattern designed to harm or debase;
- Violence in which one child is consistently the victim;
- Misogyny that excuses language and actions that demean girls and women;
- A sense of child that one sibling exerts over another;
- Teasing that includes belittling, shaming, and the like;
- Patterns that leave one child feeling depressed or anxious.
Interventions
Parents should understand that in situations where domestic violence is occurring among children, both kids are at risk. The child exerting power may be experiencing bullying outside the home, which could be causing stress as they manage the cruelty by asserting themselves at home. Meanwhile, a sibling is suffering abuse in what should be a safe environment. Parents can and should intervene:
- Model appropriate conflict management and competition;
- Point out similarities between kids;
- Acknowledge sensitivity and positive behavior;
- Have basic rules about what is not allowed (hitting, name-calling);
- Regularly have discussions with the kids after they spend time alone together;
- Monitor video games, social media, television, and so forth;
- Try to understand what is at the root of conflict between siblings;
- Remind kids of expectations when conflicts start and before they escalate;
- Seek professional help from a trained therapist when necessary.
Legal Support
Domestic violence is nothing new in the world, but it is often overlooked when it involves children. The Miami domestic violence attorneys at The Law Office of Julia Kefalinos care. To discuss your concerns, schedule a confidential consultation in our Miami office today.
Source:
aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/Sibling_Violence.aspx
